I'm at someone's wedding, a friend's. I could never really see the faces of the lucky couple nor anyone for that matter, it was always blur, as though I did not have my specs on. I could tell it was a wedding and that was it. It wasn't mine nor any relative's wedding. It definitely is a friend's wedding. Every year from mid November till early January, almost every time I shut my eyes to sleep I would see this dream, just repeat itself.
I would walk around the ballroom, chatting with unknown people, not really paying attention to who I'm speaking with but then again I can't really see their faces, so the topic is vague as well. I just walk around, chat a bit here and there. Then I would see a girl, opposite from where I'm standing, just playfully smiling at me. Every Year i swear that her face keeps getting clearer.
I know I'm interested, who is this girl who has been in my dreams for the past few years? Every time it's the same, I walk towards her, and she towards me. We meet but there is always a barrier between us, I can't hear her voice nor see her looks clearly, but I can see my reflection, I do look a bit older than I am now.
She would then motion me to the right, where there is a gap in between the barrier which separates us, a gap small enough just for our lips to touch, but never able to go to the other side. This is when the barrier becomes cloudy and I can barely make out her appearance, it is as though the barrier is preventing me from seeing who the girl really is.
Then I would wake up! Once my eyes close again, the dream repeats itself..
But this time the first of the annual dream..we reach the barrier and it is big enough for me to pass through. She holds my hand, I can feel the warmth of her hand, it feels so real I can't believe this is a dream but I know it is, after having the same one for 3 years. This time, she leads me to a table where I can see some of my cousins and some friends, I can tell who some of them are but I'm not too sure. I dun have my specs on so I can't tell for sure, but one of them is 100% Alden Lee, an elder cousin of mine and the other I see is Daryl Ng, my EL course class rep. Daryl has a girl by his side, can't tell who it is but making a guess, it would be Amber.
The table has a red lining like those in weddings, and the main meal is steamboat. I never really saw these things in the past, this was the first time I've come so far in the dream, I usually wake up at the barrier because it just goes dark after i reach the gap. I only ever saw the lips of the girl who lead me to the table. Before I woke up, she whispered something to me, something I cannot recall right now.
What I may only say is that the same dream has progressed but before i can register what she whispered in my ear I'd wake up. After the same dream repeated it twice, I can't sleep anymore. I'm wide awake now, typing out this post, describing the dream.
I can't tell what it means. It was always until the barrier, but this time it went further. Is there a meaning to it? I don't know. Some say that i will meet my dream girl at a friend's wedding.. But why is my cousin Alden there? Why is Daryl and Amber also in the dream? If it's a friend's wedding I suppose it would be normal if Daryl and Amber was there, but my cousin???? Unless my cousin is the groom in the wedding I don't know what else to make of it..
I even saw more than just her lips, I saw her smile, i saw her body arms and legs, but her face was still a blur, the girl who lead me to the table I mean. She was wearing a white gown, like something out of a fairy tale. I was wearing? What was I wearing at that time I wonder.. But that is besides the point.
I wish I knew what these dreams meant. Am I suppose to attend more weddings so I can find my true love? Or am I suppose to wait for a wedding where the main course is steamboat, my cousin is there, Daryl and Amber is there, before attending? Rather confused this time.
Every time the dream repeats itself, I feel as though it's the first time I'm experiencing it but deep down I know that this isn't the first. It's just plain confusing. Maybe GOD is trying to show me something, a message perhaps, a puzzle which i must finish slowly over time. I'm sure that these dreams only appear around this time of the year. Sleepless nights and if I do fall asleep, I get the same dream over and over and over again..
I know I've been repeating the same things over and over but I can't help it. That's just how messed up I'm feeling right now.. As my thoughts run my fingers put them down as words, recording my thoughts in this post. I don't think this may be considered a short story but what the heck, I love to write, so no matter how odd or queer it may seem, if I feel the urge to write i would, story or not..
I must stay awake.. I don't want to fall asleep and see the same dream over and over again.. Someone please help. Oh and before I forget, the girl in my dreams even though her face is blur, she looks very familiar. I just can't pin point who she is but maybe a few more nights and I would be able to tell, or maybe not.. I don't know how it will turn out.
That's all for now. Signing off at 6.15am , Tuesday, 10th November 2009
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