I dedicate This song to the girl I love

Angel In the Night - Basshunter

You are my light in the dark

You are the beating in my heart

But that is not enough

Will I ever be by your side

Your hair is dancing in the wind

Your eyes are burning off my skin

And I'm so happy when I see

That you are smiling back at me

You're living burn marks on the ground

Thank you God for what I've found

I don't know how, I don't know why

That you're my angel in the night

You are my light in the dark

You are the beating in my heart

Let me hold you now

Just like days before you start to cry

You are my light in the dark

You are the beating in my heart

But that is not enough

Will I ever be by your side

I try my best to satisfy

But all you do is where we make it right

I don't know what I'm gonna do

But I'm so crazy about you

Even if I don't know where to start

Even if my love is tearing me apart

I just know that you and me

We were always meant to be

You are my light in the dark

You are the beating in my heart

Let me hold you now

Just like days before you stopped to cry

You are my light in the dark

You are the beating in my heart

But that is not enough

Will I ever be by your side

You're my angel in the night.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

My own words to you:

I cry because I cant be with you. I cant sleep without at least hearing or seeing your words. Some how I've become really attached to your existence in my life. Even when we're not even together yet. I love you with all my heart and soul. Yet you deny me the chance to propose. Sleepless nights and loneliness drags me slowly through life. I love you so much I've lost myself.

Same dream 3 years in a row, this is the fourth..What does it mean?

Can't sleep.. it's that time of year again where the same dreams keeps appearing.. Only this time it seems clearer than the past 3 years.. I suppose i should tell how the dream goes.

I'm at someone's wedding, a friend's. I could never really see the faces of the lucky couple nor anyone for that matter, it was always blur, as though I did not have my specs on. I could tell it was a wedding and that was it. It wasn't mine nor any relative's wedding. It definitely is a friend's wedding. Every year from mid November till early January, almost every time I shut my eyes to sleep I would see this dream, just repeat itself.

I would walk around the ballroom, chatting with unknown people, not really paying attention to who I'm speaking with but then again I can't really see their faces, so the topic is vague as well. I just walk around, chat a bit here and there. Then I would see a girl, opposite from where I'm standing, just playfully smiling at me. Every Year i swear that her face keeps getting clearer.

I know I'm interested, who is this girl who has been in my dreams for the past few years? Every time it's the same, I walk towards her, and she towards me. We meet but there is always a barrier between us, I can't hear her voice nor see her looks clearly, but I can see my reflection, I do look a bit older than I am now.

She would then motion me to the right, where there is a gap in between the barrier which separates us, a gap small enough just for our lips to touch, but never able to go to the other side. This is when the barrier becomes cloudy and I can barely make out her appearance, it is as though the barrier is preventing me from seeing who the girl really is.

Then I would wake up! Once my eyes close again, the dream repeats itself..

But this time the first of the annual dream..we reach the barrier and it is big enough for me to pass through. She holds my hand, I can feel the warmth of her hand, it feels so real I can't believe this is a dream but I know it is, after having the same one for 3 years. This time, she leads me to a table where I can see some of my cousins and some friends, I can tell who some of them are but I'm not too sure. I dun have my specs on so I can't tell for sure, but one of them is 100% Alden Lee, an elder cousin of mine and the other I see is Daryl Ng, my EL course class rep. Daryl has a girl by his side, can't tell who it is but making a guess, it would be Amber.

The table has a red lining like those in weddings, and the main meal is steamboat. I never really saw these things in the past, this was the first time I've come so far in the dream, I usually wake up at the barrier because it just goes dark after i reach the gap. I only ever saw the lips of the girl who lead me to the table. Before I woke up, she whispered something to me, something I cannot recall right now.

What I may only say is that the same dream has progressed but before i can register what she whispered in my ear I'd wake up. After the same dream repeated it twice, I can't sleep anymore. I'm wide awake now, typing out this post, describing the dream.

I can't tell what it means. It was always until the barrier, but this time it went further. Is there a meaning to it? I don't know. Some say that i will meet my dream girl at a friend's wedding.. But why is my cousin Alden there? Why is Daryl and Amber also in the dream? If it's a friend's wedding I suppose it would be normal if Daryl and Amber was there, but my cousin???? Unless my cousin is the groom in the wedding I don't know what else to make of it..

I even saw more than just her lips, I saw her smile, i saw her body arms and legs, but her face was still a blur, the girl who lead me to the table I mean. She was wearing a white gown, like something out of a fairy tale. I was wearing? What was I wearing at that time I wonder.. But that is besides the point.

I wish I knew what these dreams meant. Am I suppose to attend more weddings so I can find my true love? Or am I suppose to wait for a wedding where the main course is steamboat, my cousin is there, Daryl and Amber is there, before attending? Rather confused this time.

Every time the dream repeats itself, I feel as though it's the first time I'm experiencing it but deep down I know that this isn't the first. It's just plain confusing. Maybe GOD is trying to show me something, a message perhaps, a puzzle which i must finish slowly over time. I'm sure that these dreams only appear around this time of the year. Sleepless nights and if I do fall asleep, I get the same dream over and over and over again..

I know I've been repeating the same things over and over but I can't help it. That's just how messed up I'm feeling right now.. As my thoughts run my fingers put them down as words, recording my thoughts in this post. I don't think this may be considered a short story but what the heck, I love to write, so no matter how odd or queer it may seem, if I feel the urge to write i would, story or not..

I must stay awake.. I don't want to fall asleep and see the same dream over and over again.. Someone please help. Oh and before I forget, the girl in my dreams even though her face is blur, she looks very familiar. I just can't pin point who she is but maybe a few more nights and I would be able to tell, or maybe not.. I don't know how it will turn out.

That's all for now. Signing off at 6.15am , Tuesday, 10th November 2009

Something from a forward email.

A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse" and charged them RM60.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house. Shangri-la Putrajaya charges RM250.00, Mandarin Oriental charges RM280.00, Le Meridian charges M230.00. We do it here for RM60.00 and I get that back from "Medical Claim".......!

From my otherself's blog~

Part 1

A: You will love this burger!
B: Sure ornot?
A: Take a bit won't you?
B: *Bite* Mmmm, this tastes GREAT! What's it made of? Beef?
A: Are you an idiot?
C: Cows died out years ago and the only chickens left are museum pieces!
A: Where have you been this few hundred years?
B: Oh shit! Then what the heck did I just eat?
A: Nothing to be alarmed about, it's just ratz.
B: * Bleargh * (PUKES)
C: What an idiot. He actually believed that cows and chickens had died out.

Part 2

A: What are you doing?
B: *didn't hear*
A: Hello~~ Earth to B Earth to B? What are you doing??
B: *still cleaning the porcelain piece - can't hear*
C: (Takes out a howler) WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT THING?!!!
B: (Takes his earphones out) You were saying?
A: Forget it...

Part 3

A: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
B: What the heck is up with you?!
C: He's gone all nuts about this hot girl he had his eyes on since 2 months ago.
A: She is so so so cute when she smiles.
B: I get what you mean..
C: OI!! Stop talking to yourself!!
A: Shut it will you? I'm trying to concentrate!
C: Concentrate on what? Dreaming or the class?
A: Both!
B: Both my foot!!! Your not taking notes nor are you sleeping!
A: Since when do you need to be asleep to dream? Or take notes to b concentrating in class?
B & C: Oh to heck with you! Let's leave him to his day dreaming and get back to sleep.
A: Damn she is soooo kawaii!!!
B & C: (Stuffs A into a gunny sack and leaves him outside class) Messed up fella.
A: (Somehow has a mic in hand which is connected to the lecture room) YOU ARE SO SO CUTE!!!
B & C: Someone, kill him already!!!
*BANG BANG BANG*
D: Done.
B & C: Thanks..
A: You~~ Are~~ So~~ lovely, cute, shy and kawaii!!!~~~
B, C & D: Forget it..damn crazy guy..die oledi still wan cont..
From that day onwards that same phrase would be heard at that lecture hall.

THE FIVE EMOTIONAL LOVE LANGUAGES

THE FIVE EMOTIONAL LOVE LANGUAGES,

Which of the five are you? Take a test:

Site 1:

http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp

Site 2:

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html

My results were:

1. Physical Touch [read below for definition]

2. Quality Time [read below for definition]

The most important one to me is Physical Touch, as since a long time ago I've been feeling insecure. Through learning how to counsel others, I've found out about myself at the same time. To be able to help others, I should at least be able to help myself first.

DEFINITIONS for THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES:

Chapman's Five Emotional Love Languages (Source: http://marriage.about.com/cs/communicationkeys/a/lovelanguage.htm ):

• Words of Affirmation
  This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate's self image and confidence.
• Quality Time
  Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner's love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.
• Gifts
  It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don't have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.
• Acts of Service
  Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.
• Physical Touch
  Sometimes just stroking your spouse's back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.

Been meaning to post this post since way before the exams 2 months ago.. I feel it's important for people to know about this.. We live for the sake of ourselves. Stress kills us. If we can't even feel at home with our spouses, how else would we be able to de-stress or try to enjoy what little pleasures life / GOD can offer?

Take the test. It's good to know which love language you belong to. In the end your benefiting yourself and your spouse, if you know each other's love languages, your relationship can and should be more stable. To get a better idea of the concepts, I recommend you watch the movie : 爱情万岁 also known as LOVE MATTERS.

Thats all for now.. Sorry for such long absence in updates. Been busy and have 0 inspiration to write at present.

Unexpected Revelation - written by: Me

It was an unexpected impulse which I had, somehow I told my 1st and last bully about my life/troubles at university. She is well a good listener in short talking wasn't a problem either. Well I know what you’re thinking, “Aiyor! What guy gets bullied by a girl de! So shameful” But it’s because of her that I am who I am now. First let me introduce my bully: Her name is Shirly Lai, same age as I am, below average in results as far as I can remember, has this “dai ga jie” type of aurora about her.
I remember it all started back when I was in primary 1, back then I was WEAK. Serious no joke, my dad hated wimps so I wasn’t very well to do at home either. In school she would torment me and some other guys as well; it was a punishment to be told to sit next to her by the teacher. She would hit, pinch and scold whenever anything annoyed her, and anything and everything does. Teachers felt that she helped them in a way, that’s Chinese Ed for you. She was the only one I feared. In primary 3 however, I thought: “Enough is enough! I’m going to change things.” Since I’ve got a weak body to begin with, muscle isn’t going help. So after a bit of “researching” I decided that being a strategist is the best option. By being one, I can be safe from danger, don’t have to learn to fight (no violence on my part) and all I need was brains.
Within 2 months, I formed a gang with some friends. In it was a mix of people with different qualities. There were some who had bronze but no brains, bronze with little brains, average everything, and some with leadership qualities and the bronze to match. My best friend, Kok Wai led us all. I was the advisor (strategist). We soon became the ones who bullied and had our way. We became budding delinquents. We would skip school; head out to fights with Malay’s who didn’t know their place in Chinese majority areas. At a mere age of 12, we had agreements with the Indian children, they watch our backs, and we watched theirs. A minor gang in short. Visiting the headmaster was so common it became normal.
I only swayed from that path for 6 months, 3 before UPSR and 3 after. This is because I was “dating” Primary 6, No. 1 beauty C. Kai Lai. She made me softer, and focussed on my studies. This helped me in a sense. When she left me, I went back to the gang. 90% of them were now gangsters in their respective schools. Don’t get me wrong. I never ever joined any gangster group. I remained in the advisors post (neutral for own gains).
Year 1 & 2 at my secondary school was dangerous years because the old leaders were still around, not a good time to move Kok Wai up in the ranks. So I focussed on getting people to become future Intel points. Reading more on powerful war/ political strategist showed me that intel, sources and connections were important, successful ones played both sides and gained fame. But those guys also knew how to fight, so I learned some moves from my street wise friends and muscled up. Just for self-defence but I hoped I never would have to get thrown into the field.
Year 3 came and Shirly became the girlfriend of a “dai lou” (leader) from another gang. Literally she had the aurora to begin with so it was a fitting position for her. I stood by Kok Wai’s gang till I got tired of his ways and decided to branch out to another aspiring friend who had better leadership qualities. His name was Cheung Fai, or Fai Kor as we called him. He was a failed investment, sure, he had more support because he had more brains and EQ to keep the underlings happy, but he was to open with his movements. Teachers, prefects and rivals were onto his attempt to take control of the school and be the boss of all bosses, Al Capone style I suppose. I told him it was unwise to keep such a high profile, but he said it was ok. This is when I finally decided to play both sides, my pet project was to have influence on people on the good side of the law. Which I had, and I was friends with many prefects and teacher that mattered. In case Fai Kor decided to do away with me, I could erase him.
Fai kor made his more in my fourth year at the school, Kok Wai who held many contracts with the Indian groups and minor Chinese gangs, was expelled. Fai Kor stood out and took his seat. Advisors appear to change sides fast but are usually loyal to their friends, in which I secretly helped Kok Wai outside school, giving him reports and stuff, word is that he had taken over as junior treasurer for the Seputeh district. Meaning, he had been promoted and had a hell lot more power then little Fai Kor. It was getting dangerous because a leader gone replaced by a small fry can cause unrest and sure enough fighting became a normal activity in school. I helped/played both sides well, getting success here and there. I got complacent thinking I would be safe. I think Fai Kor suspected that I was a mole in his gang. Things got worrisome for me. I decided it was time to get rid of him. I stopped giving him good advice and gave him faulty Intel. Soon teachers began rounding up gangsters from his gang and to keep my position safe, I was “questioned’ by teachers as well. Before the end of Year 4, Fai Kor and many others were kicked out, and I suspect that Kok Wai dealt with them. They never bothered me. I went into exile but still had contact with my mates, Kok Wai and the others from the old crew. They led wisely in their respective schools or areas if they were expelled.
Maintained friendly contact with them, but in school I exiled myself from the dealing of the gangs. A tad bit stupid to continue. Old allies were no longer around to protect. So I went legit, I still advised but as a counsellor. I also got myself a girlfriend then settled with clubs and other activities. Instead of gang meetings, I went socializing at internet cafes with my heng dais. I washed my hands at dealing in gang stuff. Since then, I’ve only kept contact with few or none of them. I don’t want that old life anymore, a peaceful one now is way much better. Though I’ve got to admit, you just can’t delete your past experiences and this subject does make a good story for storytelling. It’s true when they say that: “You cannot unlearn the skill you have learned once you’ve learned it, but you can choose not to use it.”
Well this is the end of my story, my advice to those who want to be advisors out there, “Don’t get caught playing both sides, and if you’re not good at it* Skills of deceiving successfully. For more details go look for masters to teach you. I’m not having any disciples so don’t come to me! I’ve washed my hands of the matter and want to have no more of it! Or don’t have the skill/talent don’t be an advisor.”
I would like to thank my bully for if she had not bullied me, I would not have learned student politics and how to be a strategist. Thank You.

This was chosen by me ^^ more on the funny side

Weight Problems
by Johnny Nys
"I went to the doctor the other day."
"Why? Is something wrong?"
"Well, you know I get sick a lot lately. More than the average person, at least. So I decided to have a full check-up. See if there was something seriously messed up."
"So did he find anything?"
"Not really. Everything's fine. Except my weight, of course."
"Your weight? Are you serious?"
"Yep. He made quite a fuss about it. Don't eat this, but eat that instead. But I told him I already eat what he suggests all the time. I just don't get it. My weight stays the same no matter what diet I follow. It's maddening sometimes."
"What about exercising? Create some muscle tissue instead of fat. Ever tried that?"
"Yep, but I'm afraid I don't have the character for it. I used to do push-ups for a while, go jogging every evening, but I gradually stopped that. Things kept coming up, you know how it is..."
"Maybe you need a coach. I'll be glad to help out if you want. We'll work out an entire schedule, get you in shape in no time."
"Really? That's nice. I really want to do something about it, you know. But I don't think it'll help, though. My guess is it's genetic. What other explanation can you give?"
"What about stress? That's known to cause weight problems."
"That's ridiculous. I love my work. No big responsibilities, no deadlines. No problems there."
"What about love?"
"Got a steady girlfriend. We're already talking about marriage. Still a long way in the future, of course, but we're discussing it. So everything's fine there, too."
"Something else that's bothering you maybe? Family? The war, perhaps? That one's keeping everyone busy lately. I know you always get worked up about traffic in this city, ever thought about that?"
"Yeah, but it isn't giving me heart attacks or anything. I still sleep well at night, if that's what you're wondering about. No nightmares, at least none that I can remember."
"So, no psychological cause either?"
"Guess not, but of course you can't really be sure of that until you see a professional therapist or something."
"But those guys do more harm than good."
"That's what I told the doctor when he suggested one."
"So he thinks it's psychological as well?"
"Guess so. He laughed when I suggested some sort of genetic defect. He refused to do any tests in that field. He's convinced it's only the food giving me trouble."
"So what's next?"
"I'll just have to wait. I'm sure I'll reach my ideal weight eventually. Maybe it'll come with age. Perhaps I should start drinking, develop a beer belly or something. Anything that'll keep me from getting blown away with each breeze."
"Bad idea."
"I know. But it's so frustrating. All over you see ads about how to lose weight. But when you're underweight, no info on how to deal with that."
"How much do you need to gain?"
"Thirty pounds."

This was chosen By yet another classmate - Wai Ying

A Very Special Meal
Mirabai Chrin

Once there was a very poor and devoted woman who always prayed to the Glory of God, asking very little, if anything for herself. But one thought, one desire continued to recur and finally she asked: petitioning the Lord, that if it were possible she would love to prepare a special meal and have God share at her table. And God, in His Love for this goodly woman, said He would indeed come the next day and share a meal.

Filled with ecstasy, the woman went out the following morning with her meager purse and purchased such delicacies that she felt would please the Lord.

Returning home, she prepared a banquet and waited patiently for her most honored guest. Soon there was a knock on the door, and when she opened it, there stood an old beggar asking for something to eat. Being a woman of God, she could not turn the beggar away, so she invited him in to partake of her table. The beggar felt as if he was in a dream - such a feast set before him. He finished all the food, thanked his hostess and left.

The woman was only slightly disheartened, she gathered up her purse, her coat, and hurried back to town to get more food for her special guest. Her funds were less now and so the food was not quite so elaborate. Nonetheless, she lovingly prepared another meal and sat to await the arrival of the Almighty.

A few hours went by and there was a loud knock on the door. This time it was an old gypsy woman with no teeth, who was deaf, who spoke quite loudly and was, rather rudely, insisting that any true believer in the Lord would not deny her something to eat.

Though the woman had no more money with which to buy more supplies, she invited the woman in and offered her a seat at the table. The gypsy ate everything, did not even thank the woman and left without closing the door.

By now it was beginning to get dark both inside and out. The woman's faith was strong, so that, though somewhat distraught, she did not give up, but rather, looked around her humble house to see if there was anything she could sell in order to buy more food to set before the Lord.

She hurried to town with a little silver cup that had been in her family for several generations, but she was willing to part with it for the great honor that God was going to bestow on her - the sharing of a meal.

Late in the night she rushed home to prepare yet a third meal. She waited and waited until, once more, there was a knock on the door. Holding her breath, she slowly opened the door to find yet another poor man in the guise of a wandering monk, in search of a meal.

Again, she offered hospitality, with as much grace as she could muster in her disappointment. This man also ate all that was set on the table and left after blessing the woman for her kindness. So discouraged and dismayed was she that all she could do was nod slightly, in acknowledgment of the thanks.
Now it was too late, with no way to buy any more food and no more money with which to buy it. She got down on her knees, weeping such heart-broken tears. She asked God what she had done wrong. Why had God not come to share at the table as He had promised?

And God, in all His Divine Compassion and Mercy, lifted the woman off her knees, and holding her close to His Heart, said, "My child, I enjoyed your hospitality so much that I came three times!"

A nice piece chosen by Wen XIn - My classmate

THE WINDOW

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One of them was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time lying flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation and so on. And on every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and colour of the outside world.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake, the arm amid flowers of every colour of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view man said. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Lovers walked arm in of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band, he could picture it in his mind as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Unexpectedly, an alien thought entered his head:

Why should he have all the pleasure of seeing everything while I never get to see anything?

It didn't seem fair. As the thought fermented, the man felt ashamed at first. But as the days passed by and he missed seeing more sights, his envy eroded into resentment and it soon turned him sour. He began to brood and he found himself unable to sleep. He should be by that window - that thought now controlled his life.

Late one night as he lay staring at the ceiling, the man by the window began to cough. He was choking on the fluid in his lungs. The other man watched in the dimly lit room as the struggling man by the window groped for the button to call for help. Listening from across the room he never moved, never pushed his own button which would have brought the nurse running. In less than five minutes the coughing and choking stopped, long with the sound of breathing. Now there was only silence - deathly silence.

The following morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths. When she found the lifeless body of the man by the window, she was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take it away - no hassle, no fuss. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure that he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it all by himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

Introductions

Name : Dreamer
Age : 19
Occupation : University Student
Ambition : Writer
Hobby : Writing, blogging, reading, making new friends,helping others(counseling - counselor-in-training)
Motto: Live life to the max, live the day as though it is your last.

Reasons to creating this blog :
To write & share my experiences, ideas, works & thoughts.

Update : Not fixed

Any previous blog experience : Yes.


Thats about it i suppose~ Nothing more to share till later then~~ ^^